i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
