my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Randomize
