There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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