just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
