Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
