My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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