Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Randomize
