There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
