remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
