Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize
