when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
