booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
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