I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
