dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
