i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
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