You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
