Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
