I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
