And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Randomize
