i need an iv and a liver transplant
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
