Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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