Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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