My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
this hospital has no fireball
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
