dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
