ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
