I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Randomize
