my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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