You made me cry and you don't even care
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
only if we run a train.
done.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
