So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
