Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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