I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
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