I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
