I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
