i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
