Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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