sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
