Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
