I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
