Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
