YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
