So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
