FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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