Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
