Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
we have pet lesbian snakes
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
