Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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