You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
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