idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
