i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
