it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
