you would pick up someone in the library
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
