just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Randomize
