Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
