He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
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