All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
