Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
